In the court of 'Datings' !

I titled this as, dating a lawyer. I refrained. Lawyers have bad name. 99% of the lawyers give the rest a bad name. After Salman and Amma, I am scared to call myself a lawyer. A friend asked – what do you do if you see a lawyer drowning? Save. No, just dump all the other lawyers to the same pond. Bangalore is filled with so many engineers that, if you ever introduce yourself as a lawyer- they will stare at you like you are the 11^th wonder of the world.

Dear toastmasters and guests – Good afternoon. How many of you have a wife/husband? How many of you have a boyfriend/ girlfriend? Kishore, did you raise your hand for both? 

Lawyer’s fun starts from law school. Once we were on a court visit as part of our curriculum. Court designates places for everyone- judge, lawyers, criminals etc. We all barged in to a court wherein a rape proceeding was going on. We sat wherever we could. Suddenly, my friend gets up from his seat and drags us out of the court, screaming – blunder, big blunder. What? You know that place in the court, that’s for the criminals to sit. I sat there and asked the person sitting next to me – who is the rapist? He says –it’s me. Lawyers are tough people, so dating them would require – Non-disclosure Agreement, relationship Agreement, terms and conditions, waivers etc.

In spite of that, my friends are always after fixing a date for me. So, once I met this man. Man is important here. His name was Samayamantri Venkata Raghava Naga Sai Shankara Subrahmanya Lakshmi Krishna Vivek. I expected a South Indian in formal wear going by the name. For my utter shock – he comes in shorts with sleeveless shirt as if he was giving Rupa Frontline ad, body covered with tattoos, and eyes pierced, eyebrows pierced, tongue pierced with a hat on his head and cat in his hand. I almost looked around in the coffee shop I was sitting – with the hope that no one comes to us to show some magic. You guessed what happened post that. Well right, another date. This time, no lengthy names. Soberly dressed up techie. Conversation begins. How, where, when, what for 10 minutes. Rest 2.45 minutes of our conversation was about– How Mercedes Benz makes the car. Apparently he was working with Mercedes Benz, step by step, level by level. Last 5 minutes he takes to say – it was nice meeting you and talking to you, can I drop you home. I politely said no. He was like – no, I can show you my new BMW. Well, I was not really up for another 2.45 hours of making BMW.

Once, I was flying from Hyderabad to Bangalore. A lady next to me started random conversation. She introduced herself as – IAS officer, working at Vidhana Soudha, in the Revenue Dept. She started about her family, that I could draw a genealogy tree for her. Finally we got out of the airport. She offers to drop me home. I suspected a little. I couldn’t say no. On our way- she gives me a chocolate packet and says – I am thrilled to meet you – Thrilled? I looked at myself – do I look like a guy? Then she takes out a book from her bag – and says – this is for my memory. I told myself - all is well. When I was about to get down, near my home she is like – where is my hug? I baffled. No, I mean – no, I got down and rushed to home before she sends flying kisses. As soon as I entered home, a message from her – honey, lovely meeting honey! Here is my family picture. Lol…..this was really unexpected. Next message – sweetie – can you send your picture. It was weird.

I stopped responding to her. I get the final mail from her end – stating – sweetheart, I really liked you. I don’t know why you stopped responding to my call or messages. I am heartbroken. As puzzled as I am read further- it ended with - we are searching a girl for my brother. Well, next chapter is pretty secret.

I can go on and on about these fiascos. But, these small incidents make my life eventful, cheerful and wonderful. They do give me topics for humorous speeches.